A Better Rainbow of Crazy. Plus Letting Go: White Rabbit Painting
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about where I wanted to go with my Etsy shop for a few weeks now. I wasn’t really satisfied with what was there and it wasn’t really me. I mean, yeah, the love for cute, colourful animals is a part of me but I’ve felt like I could always do so much more than that.
I’ve learned that I’ve really wanted to put more of myself into my paintings and into the shop. I guess you could say that I want to bring a bit more “crazy” into Rainbow of Crazy. I’ve gone through a lot emotionally over the last several years and struggled through a lot of physical pain with my fibromyalgia, the brain fogs and the mental ups and downs. I want to bring some of that into my paintings.
A little while ago, Shawn had brought up a great point that I didn’t really think about before: over the past few months, I would talk to him about how I didn’t really know what to paint and how I’d be stuck for ideas, but back when I first started to paint, I created imagery like this painting that dealt with my fibromyalgia, and he said that I never had to tell him about the paintings.. I would just paint them. I didn’t have to hesitate, I didn’t struggle with it. I simply painted what I knew.
I want to explore this emotional side more and see what comes out. I really do want to look at my shop, at a portfolio that I created and be like, “you know what? I’m really proud of everything there. Because it’s totally me.“
This painting is a glimpse of that “crazy” of Rainbow of Crazy. One of the things people with fibromyalgia talk about is something called “fibro fog”, where your brain just feels really foggy or fuzzy. Though not exactly like that, something that can be a little similar is the feeling of being disconnected. Quite a while ago, I had read about Dissociation and specifically Depersonalization disorder, and it’s this feeling of detachment from your surroundings, or even from your physical body. Ever feel like you’re in a movie? Floating around aimlessly? Where mentally, your brain actually feels like it’s miles away from your body, like you can see yourself from above. I can’t actually say that I truly have this disorder, but I’ve felt this way before. It was one of the strangest feelings ever, and this painting is kind of my way of touching on that subject and that feeling of just.. floating.
Posted on April 2, 2012, in Artwork and tagged animals, art, bunnies, depersonalization, depression, detachment, disorder, dissociation, etsy, fibromyalgia, mental-health, muscles, new shop, painting, rabbits, space, white rabbit. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.